There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
ugly people sure do ruin things
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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