Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
