I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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