What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
