you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
