If that was your dad, he is hot
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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