I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
