u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
