am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
