Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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