Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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