i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
