i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
