So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
