I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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