Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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