Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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