I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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