Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
