idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
