If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
