I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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