honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
