DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
