Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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