in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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