Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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