My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
tequila makes me forget i have legs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
