the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
