I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His hands were made for my vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
