Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
