Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
