why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Your penis caused this!
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