:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
