watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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