3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
