This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize