I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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