He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
