I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
