Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
