Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
