Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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