it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
