My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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