My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
