Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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