I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
