I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
