i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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