bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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