I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
