I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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