my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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