Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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