You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
