no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
