In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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