Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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