I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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