There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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