Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober