all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
handjob tips. give me some.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?