It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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