Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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