How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
