exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I came so hard my ears popped.
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