I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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