Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
