you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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