i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
