You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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