I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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