and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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