I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
