I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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