Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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