Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
