She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
