I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
